The Myth of Chivalry

Ladies, let's ditch the fairy tales. In the real world, there is no room for damsels in distress. Knights in shining armor are mere characters of glossy books and Harlequin paperbacks. As we all know, Prince Charming is often the smooth operator who runs after his booty prey on modern-day balls called clubbing.

Meanwhile, ladies first is just an empty phrase; a sign that our society has not truly veered away from the rules of machismo. Privilege teaches us to be in denial. But the fact is that women and girls remain second-rate citizens subservient to the demands of the alpha male.

Haven't we thought about why sexily dressed-if not barely clad-women often serve as the main attraction in selling men's products? Think about it. Booze, cigarettes, after shave, car freshener, underpants and the list goes on – what do they have that makes the presence of a woman in their ad a must? Why do events that cater to a male audience always have to be graced by women, still, in the same outfits?

Tell me, do they portray chivalry, if not respect for the ladies?

Back in the time when knighthood was more than just an exercise of formality, women were barred from leaving the sphere of their homes. In the same era, they were being impaled, stoned to death and burned at stake not really because they turned children into cats and planted warts to whoever had wronged them. They just happened to be too sophisticated in the eyes of a society that only knew of helpless maidens and subdued wives. Chivalry, for what it's worth, was unfriendly to Cosmopolitan. Imagine what could happen to Coco Chanel if she lived in those days.

More recent events show that Esmael Mangudadatu's only mistake was when he believed that chivalry is exercised by the knights in the Maguindanaoan fiefdom. I have nothing against him, take note. It is a shame that the Maguindanao Massacre occurred in the midst of the international celebration of ending violence against women.

Our education and good fortune may have opened us doors-where men went first-and broken us some glass ceilings. However, if we refuse to see the nakedness of the truth that greets us in every TVC shown and every rape and wife beating reported, that is, if we take these things as given, then we have not really succeeded at freeing ourselves from the bondage that we have long been in.

Honestly, I would rather carry my huge bags alone, wait in queues standing and go dutch on male-initiated dates than to take such things as they are.

Chivalry remains a myth while violence against women perpetuates.



November 25 marks the anniversary of the brutal assassination in 1960, of the three Mirabal sisters, political activists in the Dominican Republic, on orders of Dominican ruler Rafael Trujillo (1930-1961).

The Filipina Writing Contest

A couple of months ago, we were outraged by the FilipinaBride.Com, which is supposedly a spoof for the international perverts-or-hopeless con romantics who use the internet to look for their Filipina subjects.

While concerned groups have been successful with soliciting support and a couple of reactions from Filipinos, there weren't much efforts gathered for eliminating the "Filipina bride" impression of many on Filipino women. Most actions were geared towards the site owners; they were attacks to specific groups or individuals like the pervs that I was talking about in the first paragraph. None of them countered the real enemy: the negative perception of the Filipina.

Fighting this enemy is a big challenge. This is mainly because we are dealing with individual psychos...err... I mean psyches as well as a whole bunch of social constructions which have long been a mainstream for a significant number of ignoramuses.

Last August, another social barrier has been broken; another line has been crossed for the Filipino women. Janette Toral's brainchild, The Filipina Writing Contest, has the following aim:

"... to influence and change the impression about the Filipina by having relevant content appear in the first page of major search engines."

There were around 80 entries to this campaign and the awarding was held last 28 November 2007 at Ponciana's Kitchen along Timog Avenue.

Now ladies and gentlemen, the winners:

The judges' Most Liked Entries and won US$100 each.
The Funniest Filipina Vloggers
Ako si Pina.. At ito ang aking kuwento...
Superiority of Women in the Philippine Society

US$100 Winners in the raffle:
Filipina as Other (Betsy's!)
Two Popular and Unique Individuals, Both Filipina
The Filipina Campaign (Aiza's! Birthday gift!)
Filipina 2007

For the SEO competition part, the following won US$100:
Google - Filipina (marhgil's)
Yahoo - Filipina (marhgil's--lucky, lucky guy na nagrereklamo pa!)
MSN - Hindi lang Filipina Dating, Dating Filipina, Wow Filipina talaga!

For thoseShortlisted entries' prizes:
One (1) Customized Banner or Button (Thanks Juan Karlo Licudine!)
Filipina Pride
Three (3) Wordpress t-shirts for entries with link to our partner FilipinaImages.com (Thanks Noemi Lardizabal Dado!)
Filipina Ako. I am a Filipina
A Topless Filipina in Europe
Maria “Ria” A. Jose is a Filipina
Two (2) Strategic Problogging Audio E-Book (Thanks Manuel Viloria!)
Filipina Since Birth
Story of a Young Filipina Woman - The Fighter in Me
The following got a one-year individual membership in the DigitalFilipino.com Club.
A Different Filipina
Proudly Pinay: The Filipina Who Strut on Her Heels (wow! this IS mine!)
Macho I Love Yous
The Filipina in the Eyes of the World
Adobong Pinay
Ang mga Filipina ng Buhay Ko
Filipina works! Abroad
Podcast/Vlogs creation effort
Hot Filipina
The Portrait of a Japayuki as a Filipina
Google Suggested Pinay Scandal
What is a Filipina?
3 Things You Possibly Do Not Know about the Filipina

Congratulations to all (since I think everyone won a prize in the raffle)! And of course, congratulations to Ms. Janette!

To know more about the project, click here.
To know more about the winners and sponsors, click here.

A White Ribbon in the Dark

Photo from White Ribbon Day Website

http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/

It is hard to be passionate about battling violence against women when one belongs to the privileged class. It is even harder to convince men and women from the same group to join in the movement--knowing that they are most likely to fall on deaf ears.

Sad to say that while many remain indifferent, the fact is women are vulnerable to violence no matter what their social orientation is. Sure, we get to watch them in the news or hear them whispered by your chismosa friend. It's not something new but at least for you, in all your Imeldiffic glory, it is a rarity.

I am sorry to say this, but, you're wrong.

Based on the statitics that Gabriela was able to gather from the Philippine National Police, 3 women and 9 children were raped everyday from January to September 2003. On the same period, 12 women and 5 children were battered everyday. (Source: Philippine Daily Inquirer Feb. 29, 2004)

I have heard of first to second-hand experiences of women who have been victims of date rape, attempted rape and boyfriend battering. One of them includes that of a girl who went to one of those upscale exclusive high schools and who was gang raped by his date and the friends of his date. The guys also went to another school of that sort.

The main reason why violence against women seems rare is because it happens in the dark: they happen in the night at the talahiban; they happen in a desserted school building; and worst of all, they happen behind closed doors at home. Women are ashamed of being victims. They are afraid of their perpetrators. That is why the victims have to stifle their cries, conceal their bruises and cover up for the bad guys. And because of this, the women continue to suffer; the bad guys go on with inflicting violence against women.

In an effort to eliminate VAW, the men in Australia, and in other parts of the world, support the White Ribbon campaign every 25th of November. It is good to know that men are now aware of their role in VAW and also in putting an end to it.

Three years ago, Mulieris organized a talk which we entitled: GIVE WAY TO THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN. After a blow-the-whistle campaign in the morning (which was a call to break the culture of silence among women), we were able to gather 114 male and female students coming from various year levels and courses to listen to the testimonies of three victims of VAW and a presentation of Tinay Palabay, Gabriela's Secretary-General.

It is time that MEN be the white ribbon in the dark. It is the time for them to take an active role in eliminating violence against women.

November 25 is the INTERNATIONAL DAY TO ELIMINATE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN.

For the guys, this is how you can help in the campaign: What Can One Man Do?

Suffer for beauty, oh bitchy one

Across borders and throughout centuries, women's relationship with beauty is that of an S&M.

Back in our school days, we have read about tribal women who chisel their teeth, pierce their nipples, drill big holes on their ears and put huge tattoos all over their bodies. In the Victorian era, women endured breathlessness and pain in the middle section in order to attain the hourglass figure that corsettes gave. A thousand years ago and until the early 1900s, in China, women suffered the excruciatingly difficult process of breaking and binding the foot; a lifelong tremendous effort for beauty.

These days, women still suffer, though in less absurd ways. We spend hours in the gym motivated by the "no pain, no gain" mantra just so we can achieve the look or the feeling that we want. We lie on the derma's beds, which are actually beds of roses and thorns, as we stifle the screams of pain from the pricking and inserting of needles used in procedures to eliminate flaws or even change the way we look. In more simple events, many of us go for toners with the astringent effect or tend to sacrifice comfort for style like enduring the pain from dancing all night in sexy stilettos. And in some ways, we also have to repress the pain that our affinity for beauty causes to our pockets.

Speaking in terms of sex and bitchhood, I say that the quest for beauty is similar to losing one's virginity. Along the lines of pricking, waxing and threading; it always really hurts on the first time. But since it made you look and feel good, the saying that "once you pop, you can't stop" applies. It goes on to the point that you finally find yourself addicted to pain--living through and loving it; knowing that glory awaits the brave ones.

For hundreds and thousands of years, women have suffered in the name of beauty. While we maintain that to look good is our primary motivation, we leave in the shadows the reasons behind our sadomasochistic approach to beauty. Okay, we want to feel good about ourselves. But why? Can we not feel good even without having to go through such process?

I believe that the raison d'etre lies on the lines of acceptance. In an article on the Lotus Foot, I found this

:"The driving force behind this desire was complex: it had to do with marriage;
it had to do with sex; it had to do with status; it had to do with beauty; it
had to do with duty." (Footwear Fetish - An Erotic Tradition, http://www.shoeworld.com/)

These days, it is not just fair for women to blame men for their sufferings. The quest for beauty has something to do with acceptance from the opposite sex or from persons within the ranks found in the social circles where we find ourselves in. It may be to appease the wants of a domineering mother; the conditions of a meticulous lover; the observant eyes of a discriminating social butterfly; or the requirements of a tyrannical boss. Beauty just seems to be a social requirement--where the requirement varies from one social circle to another.Vicky Belo, a world-renowned cosmetic doctor, has been capitalizing on these social requirements to encourage more women to be valiant about addressing their aesthetic insufficiencies. I do not intend to give her any negative associations for this because what she says is basically true!

I remember learning in my Theology class on Marriage and Sexuality that even the late Pope John Paul II says that love starts with attraction. And how in the world can a man single out a female in a room full of them without his own requirement?

In jobs, priority is usually given to the applicant who looks more charming--assuming that all applicants have the same credentials. The same goes with women in sales-oriented careers. The initial requirement is always a good and pleasing personality (which I think is really a good and pleasing appearance). Only after she meets this, will she get the honchos to listen to what she has to present.

Feminists have been successful with attacking the footbinding tradition in China and so are those who fought against other seemingly obscure practices like the stretching of mouths and sculpturing of teeth. But still, there are new traditions to contest and since most of them have become ironically acceptable, we leave them the media and the catwalks for their battlefields.

The "enemy" in the first place is not the men in general but rather, the social constructions made by men and women alike.

Note: The title was fed by a man who does not wish to be named. Published online on 22 Nov 2007.

Photo Credit: http://www.healthy-temple.com/

The Life Giving Breast

Author's Note: For my featured post this October, I wish to enlighten everyone about their basic asset: the breast. Big or small, it's about the purpose it serves.

A fact that you can confirm from your guy friends:

most men fantasize about having a girlfriend with 34-C sized (if not 36-D) breasts.

A fact that you can confirm from your girl friends:

most women wish their boobs are at least a cup size higher.

The desire for bigger breasts is present among both genders. Men want big boobs for their sexual cravings. Why else would they want them? (If it's because they wish to have one, then we're talking of a different gender already.) Of course, they want to conquer and fondle a bigger territory! Women, on the other hand, yearn for bigger boobs not only for them to feel good about themselves but also to satisfy their partners' cravings.

It is a rather sad note that because of too much aesthetic and erotic value being attributed to a woman's breasts, their purpose has been limited to serve the male libido. It is evident in pornography and every other product that is targeted towards the male market like magazines, booze, cigarettes and cars. Promotions of these products always include big-busted women in cleavage-baring outfits gracing print ads, TVCs or shows where they work as promo girls.
Most of us seem to have forgotten the breast's biological purpose or in other words, its life-giving purpose. God created our breasts so our babies will have a source of nourishment. While breastfeeding campaigns have become more abundant nowadays, it is still undeniable that most women, especially those who are working, do not have the patience to nurse their young.
Let's go back to the basics. BREASTS ARE MADE TO NURSE YOUR YOUNG AND NOT YOUR MAN!

(I shall have a separate entry for breastfeeding but for now, let me just focus on another breast-related topic.)

Anyway, the main reason why I thought of writing an article on BREASTS is because it is October. Aside from October, being the month of Holy Rosary, it is also the BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH.

It is a must that I inform you, my dear sisters, about this dreaded disease because as the word association suggests, it is the leading cause of death among Filipino women. In fact, as some of you might have heard or read, cancer ranks third among the mortality and morbidity rates of Filipinos. (It comes next to infectious and cardiovascular diseases.)

In Asia, the Philippines has the highest reported incidence rates of breast cancer: 47.7% among 100,000 females. This rate is even larger than the rates in Eastern European countries.
While 86% percent of women who are diagnosed with breast cancer belong in the 35 to 50 year-old age group, it does not mean that you, being young, pretty and carefree, can take this for granted. The fact is, YOU MIGHT STILL HAVE BREAST CANCER IF NOT NOW, AS PART OF THE REMAINING 14%, THEN PROBABLY YOU ARE AT RISK IN THE FUTURE.

Early detection leads the best way to cure breast cancer. So have yourself checked annually or administer your Breast Self-Exam.

I got this 5-Step Breast Self-Exam from breastcancer.org. Here it is:

VIEW: The 5 Steps of a Breast Self-Exam

Give life. Save a life. Forward this to your friends. Awareness helps countless women to give the best to their babies and also to combat breast cancer.

FURTHER READINGS:
VIEW: Breast Cancer in the Philippines by Dr. Emer
VIEW: Keep Abreast (WACOAL Pink Ribbon Campaign) 2007
VIEW: Breast Care Info by I Can Serve Foundation
Breast image taken from http://www.cosmeticplastics.com/images/breastlift.jpg.

Courtship in the Time of SMS: A Piso Investment

Courtship through the decades:

70s: Visiting Victor regularly visits the girls house with varying gifts of flowers, fruits and delicacies (live chickens included).
80s: Telebabad Tom calls the girl's house every night for a 2 to 3-hour chit-chat. Occassional butting ins from party line may ruin Telebabad Tim's timing for asking the girl out.
90s: Pager PJ covers his mouth as he dictates the word "I love you" to a pager operator while a queue waiting for the pay phone is behind him

And now, we have Texting Tim. You catch his fancy one gimmick night at let's say, Warehouse. He asks for your number and the next day, he'll send you a message to let you know that well, he is interested. His thoughtfulness is manifested by his piso-a-day investments, checking on you by sending you messages like "gawa mo?", "sup?" or "musta?".

Sometimes Texting Tim's thoughtfulness may become an invitation for a casual get-together by sending you "gmk?". If you're out, it's likely that Tim's going to drop by and officially meet your girl friends. A more formal Texting Tim may ask you out by sending you a message like "wanna watch a movie on Friday?" or "r u free 4 coffee tonight?" But the worse that Texting Tim can ever text you is "stl up?" because most of the time, if Texting Tim is not looking for a late night confidante, he is looking for a late night booty call.

We have seen how courtship has changed over the decades. Our lolas and moms were courted differently which explains why they demand more from our guys. Most of the time, they even expect to be courted as well. Of course, we cannot blame them for thinking that way. They were raised by a different set of norms and moreover, they consumed adolescence in the absence of SMS, IM, e-mails and iMax cinemas. (The latter explains why it's a crime for them when they find out that we have went to the movies alone with a boyfriend.)

Hi-tech courtship is convenient. For one, it is so easy to be connected. One can easily check how someone is doing just by texting. Dates can be easily re-set and cancelled with just one short message. Avoiding someone takes very little effort through hitting the silent or reject button everytime the persistent manliligaw calls.

While it is good that torpes will finally find it easier to make a move, the real issue on courtship in time of text is, are we willing to sell ourselves cheap?

Most of us--even the fairest of us all, have met guys who are market traders when it comes to dating and courtships. Babaratin ka until you finally give in. For them, they wish to maximize their profits by exerting very little (but safe) efforts to get what they want from you. They are among the many Piso Investors who find texting as the only way to your heart or to your pants (ehem!).

But you know, it's up to you. If you are going to give a good Return on Investment for guys like Texting Tim, then you have to be sure that it is not a boyfriend you're after for. Otherwise, it's best to just let them lose their money.

The False Teachings of Cinderella

Author's Note: For this entry, I am referring to the version of Cinderella that was popularized by Disney. I thought about writing this after watching Repertory's Cinderella musical with the pre-school kids of the foundation where I work for.

I feel bad that Cinderella was written for the kids.

Okay, okay. I sound like a fairy tale's wicked step mother for writing this down. But please, allow me to share my thoughts about the fairy tale that most of us loved as kids.

Fairy tales are among the most influential tools that shape the way we see the world. As a little girl, I thought that Cinderella's tale was sweet. But as I grew older, I realized it was silly and as a result, I wanted to blame the fairy tale for all my love-related misfortunes as a teenager.

I dislike the way Cinderella teaches kids about love at first sight. In the old times, men attend balls for them to meet brides-to be. But now at this age of wild bars, suave moves and cheesy pick up lines, the tale of Cinderella can mislead so many young girls into thinking that the men they meet at bars are up for serious relationships. (Hmm... So now you can relate, huh?)

Aside from this, Cinderella, among other fairy tales, stereotypes step mothers and step sisters. Nowadays, they are not a rarity. As a result of divorce and single parenthood, they exist in more homes than one can imagine. So I don't think it's best that kids, with their bright, young minds, think of a step mother or sister as someone who's out to oppress kids.

What is even more dislikeable about the tale of Cinderella is the part when Cinderella's misery is ended by marrying Prince Charming. It is silly to teach kids that marriage is the answer to their woes. Because it just isn't. Marriage can even lead to more agonies if it is not done for the right reasons.

Cinderella was oppressed yet, she followed the orders of her step mom. It is again, good that the fairytale teaches the value of obedience. But it is awfully wrong to teach children blind obedience to the point that they become doormats. It is time that kids are taught about their rights and the presence of agencies like DSWD because as we know, many children suffer from domestic violence.

I just think that Cinderella needs to be updated. This story may be a good basis for understanding yesterday's social situation. However, since fairy tales are the most influential pieces of literature made for kids, it might be better to create wise and proactive heroines similar to Mulan and Anastacia.

On the other hand, Cinderella must be enjoyed as a myth and as a children's fairy tale. It shows that good things can happen to people with good hearts. It teaches us to dream and to hope. Because if we're good, then boppity-bippity-bop, our wishes may come true.

Breaking the Booze and Women Go Together Notion

For the typical, chauvinistic Juan, the good times cannot be complete without booze and women. It is evident in the kind of TVCs being aired in the country.

The scenario is always the same: a group of men is having a round of drinks in a bar when all of a sudden, a sexily dressed woman enters the bar and gets everyone's attention. Who could ever forget the Sabado nights commercial that popularized Ina Raymundo in the 90s? Kris Aquino broke her stereotype by getting a bit bolder and sexier in a commercial for the same company that featured Ina Raymundo. Two summers ago, we laugh at the luck that some losers got over having a bottle of liquor slip from their grip. Bilog nga naman talaga ang mundo. They had the time of their lives when centerfold beauties partied with them. The most recent one is that of Katrina Hallili, being a show-stopper as she drives through the crowd in a motorcycle and charms the men among them.

There is always an element of surprise. And it is these women made to portray the "hot chick" image which cause the surprise and hence, bring life to the party. Oops, wait. Maybe I should say bring more life to a party that is already in its full swing.

Now, how about those commercials which are downright provocative? White Castle commercials are famous for its white horse carrying on its back the country's sexiest celebrities like Nanette Medved, Anjanette Abayari and Roxanne Guinoo in a red two-piece bikini. Currently, they have launched a nationwide search for the next White Castle girl.

The Search for the Next White Castle Model is a competition of women who not only have the looks but also the talent and the brains. It is sad that these women's worth are belittled by this senseless campaign. Why would these women need to be talented and intelligent when they will just be models who will adorn White Castle Whiskey's calendars and be nothing but mere sex objects to men. Oh, tell me they don't. Tell me they are works of art. If they are, why can't we have a Search for the Next White Castle Macho?

Emperador and Generoso brandy deserve an acknowledgement for moving out of the box by showing commercials with different themes. Emperador Brandy shows Eddie Gutierrez with his sons who all toast for "sa totoong tagumpay," stressing that the handsome patriarch has taught the values of sipag, tiyaga and determinasyon. Meanwhile, Generoso Brandy print ads show a group of friends having wholesome fun by social drinking. A couple of years ago, one of my favorite TVCs was that of a barkada's reunion where the women were anticipating for the arrival of their best-looking guy friend. Apparently, to their surprise, that friend turned out to have made a commitment to celibacy.

Commercials like these show that the good times can happen without all that machismo involving cleavage-baring women. The Emperador Brandy might be a bit macho but I appreciate it for depicting good father and sons bond rather than a father teaching his sons how to dominate their women.

Commercials, in as much as they depict realities, also have the power to shape perceptions. The media has become an avenue for change that involve ways of thinking and living. Most of the time, the change is aimed to respond to trends and issues that we currently face.
It is good that companies are learning how to become socially responsible. I hope that media, being a powerful tool that shape minds, will be used more adequately to portray wholesome ways to have fun and at the same time, improve the society's perception of women.